Tears and the Gym

This is kinda a long post but worth it:

So I found out the other day that Navi is old enough to go to the kids club at the gym and I immediately signed her up because Brandon and I both work out so much better when we can go together. We push each other and it is an all around much better work out. So I called in on monday and made an appt. to drop her off at the kids club on tuesday morning at 8:30 thinking that everything would be fine.

8:30 on Tuesday morning rolls around and it is time to drop her off. We get there and I uncovered her to find that she had just woken up and wast staring at me with these really sad/tired eyes. I instantly teared up and didn't want to leave her but Brandon convinced me that everything would be ok. We will only be gone for an hour at the most and that she would only be downstairs (like 200 meters away) and they would come get me if she needed anything so I didn't need to worry. As I am basically dragged out of the kids club, tears in my eyes I went to the locker room and told myself to stop being such a baby and just go work out.

So I am working out doing the row machine and the only thing I can think about is how smiley Navi is in the morning when she just wakes up and I got soooooo sad knowing that I was not there to greet those smiles. So I go and find Brandon, tears on the verge of rolling down my face this time. And he looks at me and asked me if I wanted to go get her. Every ounce in me wanted to go get her but I had only been working out for 15 minutes so I reluctantly told him no and went off to go work out my arms.

5 minutes later I am a mess, the crazy crying lady looking all over the gym frantically for her husband. Finally I find him and I just cannot control my tears now. So he tells me to just go get her and I got so excited that it made me cry even more. I was so excited to get her that when I saw a friend from my ward I totally brushed her off (and feel terrible about it now) I just had a one track mind. NAVI! So I get her (sigh, relief) and she is totally fine, just playing away with some toys, didn't even notice that I wasn't there but I still couldn't help but cry and cry. Just knowing that the last image she had was of me walking away from her, leaving her with some strangers. And knowing that she was so happy for someone else!

Don't worry the crying didn't stop there. I cried the whole way home and even get a little teary eyed as I write this. WHY AM I SUCH A WUSS?????

Ugh so am I ever going to be able to drop her off at the kids club again? Will they even take her from the crazy crying lady? I am going to try again once I have healed from this. But definitely not in the morning when she is just waking up. And not when she is crying because then I know that I can't be there to comfort her. and not when she is hungry. Oh who am I kidding? I should just accept the fact that I will be going to the gym at midnight when she is asleep and Brandon can watch her. I can't take that again!

My only question is how is it going to be on her first day of kindergarden???